I can’t afford the next session of fencing. Not really. I knew that when I saw that it was time to register again. I read the program book over and over while he practiced in the gym. I considered the cost all the way home while he talked about his experience. I’m the one that insisted he join fencing but I didn’t expect him to like it as much as he does. He practices in the kitchen while he puts dishes away. Walks down the hallway in his stance.

“As single moms you overcompensate, you know” the birthday boys mom said, framing the truth around the struggle to get her son anything he didn’t already have and actually wants. I wanted to scream. YES. Yell about registration always being around the corner and collapse on the sectional.

The birthday party was the 3rd of 4 events for the day. All kid related.

We have a good balance between what’s for me and what’s for him so Saturday’s full of kids activities don’t bother me but today the reality is that I can’t afford fencing. Not really and it’s devastating. Fencing is an expensive sport like hockey. I always said I wouldn't let him play an expensive sport.

There are few things I said I wouldn't do as a parent and ended up doing. Everytime I do it rubs up against a core principle.

This is less about a core principle and more about objective reality. I want to be able to provide the best reality possible, rub my hands raw distorting the image if that's the only tool I can afford.